Saturday, June 18, 2011

"Not I," Said the Little Red Hen

They advise us to Google ourselves every now and then, to find out who we are what people might be saying or assuming about us.

So sometimes I do.  

(I generally assume myself to be a bit of a "little red hen." Here is the copy we have in our house, illustrated by Paul Galdone, that I read to my kids every now and then.)

I Googled Myself

I am not dead.
I am not an opera singer.
I am not on Twitter or Linkedin.
I am not a chef or a life coach.
I do not lead origami workshops (except origami of the brain).
I did not make a Halloween video.
Or any other kind of video on the Internet.
I don’t live or work in a nursing home.
I am not a runner, or a roadrunner.
I have not been arrested. 
I do write book reviews but not of children’s books.
I can knit, but I am not Armenian.
I am not a nun.
I do have a good nun name.
I am not a dead nun.
I don’t have a nice-paying job with benefits at a big corporation.
That is not my middle initial.
I do not live in the UK.
I do not live in New Mexico.
I do not live in Texas.
I do not live in Ohio, but my cousin’s wife does.
I am not on MySpace.
I am not a dead politician.
I have judged poetry contests but not that one.
I am not dead.
I am not married to Arthur.
I am not an organist.
I am not one of the hot people in Normal, IL, as far as I know.
I did not click that.
I was an actress but do not have a “filmography.”
I am not dead, I am not dead.
I am not dead.

32 comments:

Sandy Longhorn said...

Wonderful!!!! This whole business of self-googling is quite bizarre, but I do it too.

Kathleen said...

Googling is fun.

Maureen said...

This is a fun read. And you do get tweeted but as aka @escapeintolife poetry editor.

Kathleen said...

Yes, thanks for tweeting, Maureen!

Hannah Stephenson said...

All these other possible selves....how bizarre and wonderful. Loved this.

Kathleen said...

Thanks, Hannah. It's pretty amazing, who's out there...!

djvorreyer said...

Wonderful! Your name has so many lives...

Kathleen said...

I am one among many, and we are linked. And I say that about people who don't have my name, too, Donna!

Dale said...

:-) Wonderful.

SarahJane said...

Loved that, and so glad you are not dead.

Kathleen said...

Me, too!

Emily said...

Out of sheer curiosity, what did the link you didn't click lead to, in theory?

Kathleen said...

The hot people in Normal, IL.

Kathleen said...

(I generally don't click that kind of link.)

Collagemama said...

What fun. It's been way too long since I self-googled on a sultry Saturday night.

seana said...

With my recent attempts to try and understand quantum reality (okay, not very well), I would say that you are probably all those people.

But I do love the list/poem.

Kathleen said...

Do it chilled wine or hard lemonade at hand...Collagemama!

Seana, so in quantum reality I might have even more lives than a cat?

seana said...

Well, you would, except that the cat would still have nine times more than you would. Although nine times infinite is a very difficult number...

Kathleen said...

Fortunately, I am math-challenged, so my brain is just saying, "La la la la la."

seana said...

Never mind. Apparently another version of you is teaching math to seventh graders in Cobb County, Georgia. She even has a blog! I have to say, though, that hers isn't anywhere as good as yours, and frankly, has some pretty harsh words (all caps!) for those students who don't clean out their lockers!

Kathleen said...

Oh, my, the next time I Google myself, I will look for her. New list, new list!

Kathleen said...

I am also not a scholar athlete.

Collagemama said...

There seem to be six of me, but the hummus and olives called me away from snooping my other selves.

Unlike Phil Campbell, I don't have my own town.

Kathleen said...

But if you did, we would want to go there! Road trip!

Anonymous said...

I love 'I am not,' as art and self-definition.

One of my daughter's best friends crafted a graphic of her identity by creating a mandala composed of the names of all of her friends, family members, teachers, pets and significant figures - whose encounters with her she felt shaped who she is becoming.

Beyond the fun of your "I am not(s). . . " as an occasional self-Googler (checking to make sure I'm quoted correctly), I'm tickled by my own findings that "I am not . . ." - an American Indian activist, an Australian GP, a chemical architect, a lawyer, a master American painter (I wish), or a member of the Shanghai Chamber of Commerce. I also wasn't at the White House dinner in January.

Ah, the selves . . . that we aren't.

Bob

Kathleen said...

Oh, I thought that WAS you, Bob!

Lucy said...

In quantum reality you might have more lives than Schrodinger's cat...

This is fun; I might steal the idea, I love what you've done with it. Not so many people have my name though, really, which is odd because it's not a weird one or anything.

Even better that you're not a dead nun...

Kathleen said...

Oh, yes, Lucy, try this yourself. I think lots of writers 1) Google themselves and 2) work that into some list or creative piece!

Shannon said...

I am not the local TV station's meteorologist, nor the male professor who wears skirts, nor the other blogger who bears the same name. Not related to Chris O'Donnell either, although he shows up a LOT when I do a self-search.

Kathleen said...

Shannon, you have a very interesting not life in addition to your very interesting actual life!

Catalyst said...

What a wonderful way to tell us what you're NOT, Kathleen. What you ARE is talented!

Kathleen said...

I'm honored that you think so, Catalyst!

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