My smart phone is far
smarter than me. Today, it called my dad when I was trying to call a theatre to
RSVP about something. Then, when I was trying to call my friend Kim, it called
the theatre. This, evidently, was not the smart phone’s fault, but mine.
Sorry, Theatre. Sorry,
Kim. Sorry, Me.
If only there were an
animated movie based on my life: Sorry Me.
(Like Despicable Me, only sorrier.)
And Sorry Me could be a musical! Here
are the songs:
“My Smart Phone is Smarter
Than Me”
“Butt Dialing for Dollars”
“Sorry Me”
“Wait! I Have a Phone?!”
“Verizon Horizon”
“My Smart Phone is Smarter
Than Me” (reprise)
Intermission
“What Should I Give Up for
Lent?”
“Catch 22”
“Sorry, But Did I Just
Butt-Dial You?”
“Louis CK Won’t Return My
Calls”
“I Think I’m Hilarious
(Why Don’t You?)”
“Sorry Me” (reprise)
“The Sound of Ring Tones”
(finale)
Starring, of course,
Carrie Underwood, as a wooden ingénue perfectly capable of using a smart phone,
playing opposite a 50-something silver-and-gold short-armed dinosaur unable to
use her smart phone correctly.
“What Should I Give Up for
Lent?” will be sung by the short-armed dinosaur, behind on her social-media-Fat-Tuesday-post
reading, wondering, on Ash Wednesday, while drinking wine, what she should give
up for Lent, and deciding on wine. Then, blogging about it on Friday (aka
Cranky Doodle Day), wondering again whether she should give up wine for Lent…while
drinking wine. This is all doubly hilarious because of her short arms.
Really,
think about it.
I'm sorry to say that your smart phone doesn't sound smarter than you at all, though perhaps more mischievous.
ReplyDeleteI'd pay to see that musical, though.
Merci buckets (of wine).
ReplyDeleteIf your smart phone were really smart it would drink wine, too! Especially during Lent, when what we should give up is worrying about giving something up.
ReplyDeleteMaybe give up Smart Phones?
ReplyDeleteFat fingers vs. probiotics on pay per view. I can't work my phone. I can't even work my gut! Wine drinking dinosaurs cheer me up. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteWhen Disney decides to make movies to appeal to women who are older than the "Frozen" audience target market, I'm telling them to contact you!
ReplyDeleteCranky Doodle Day has Disney movie potential with great songs written all over it!
ReplyDeleteThanks, dears! I drink a Lentipsy toast to you all!
ReplyDeleteOh, and Kristin, yes! I'm sure one of these songs will be nominated for an Oscar. We can get Adele Dazeem to sing it!
Those titles... you have the start to what is surely a funny poetry collection.
ReplyDeleteRecently learned the polite term for butt dialing is "pocket calling". Consider yourself advised.
ReplyDeleteGood to know.
ReplyDeleteI have a butt-dialing problem too. And I seem to always butt-dial the people I want to talk to least.
ReplyDeletePossibly this is just one more excellent excuse to have more wine.
ReplyDelete