Train Window

Day 272 of the "What are you reading, and why?" project, and, after last night's release reading, I know a number of people are reading the new issue of Fifth Wednesday, published in Lisle, Illinois. The reading at the Book Cellar in Chicago was well attended, and the store has a charming cafe, with coffee, wine, and  pumpkin soup.

Susan Hahn read an excerpt from her novel, published as the story "If I Set Up the Chairs," Barry Silesky and I read poems (with the coincidence of whales in them), and editor Vern Miller read, to relate to yesterday, a "redneck" short story by Jonis Agee, who was not present.  This issue has a feature on Illinois poet John Knoepfle, a nice interview and several poems.  Knoepfle's bio at the back says, "Right now he is writing a series of poems about the world he sees from his window."

Here's what I saw out the train window on today's pleasant ride home in the fall sunshine: several hawks soaring over the harvested fields, those long golden stretches of field with sharp broken stalks of corn, and beautiful white wind turbines, turning.

And I was reading.  I had taken some poetry books, and I had Fifth Wednesday, but I was reading Saving Jesus from the Church, by Robin Meyers, discussed here in the past, as so many local people were reading it.  Now I can, having borrowed my mom's copy, with her underlining and brackets, serious question marks, rare exclamation points, and excellent questions in the margin.

I like this book.  It's down to earth.

And I wrote this, in pencil, on ruled paper.

On the Road

I don't know if I resembled
the one they loved
or if the tremor in my voice
from hunger and fatigue
reminded them of the one they missed
but two travelers on the road
fed me, and were kind.

And now, wherever I go,
I remember this kindness
and how the simple breaking
of the bread made a sweet plenty
for us all.

And, speaking of whales, that's Mr. Splashy Pants, from Greenpeace.

What Would Epictetus Do?

Day 264 of the "What are you reading, and why?" project, and I am still reading Epictetus, because he was a favorite of the Glass family created by J. D. Salinger, and because a former colleague of mine wrote about him in a book review, mentioned in this earlier blog entry, which also, probably by not-so-random coincidence, also mentions Saving Jesus From the Church, by Robin Meyers, a book being read by even more of the local community after his speech last night and workshops this morning (going on even as I write!).

That is, I am reading The Art of Living: The Classical Manual on Virtue, Happiness, and Effectiveness, a new interpretation of Epictetus's manual by Sharon Lebell.  This reads like a self help book; gives me the insight that many, many self-help books are revisiting older, wiser, deeper books of ancient philosophy; and makes Epictetus seems like the ancient Greek Dr. Phil; but it's still, distilled to its essence, good stuff.

It's good in that it helps me review and re-evaluate my life, and ask myself the question, "What would Epictetus do?"

For example, this passage gave me pause:

By considering the big picture, you distinguish yourself from the mere dabbler, the person who plays at things as long as they feel comfortable or interesting.  This is not noble.  Think things through and fully commit!  Otherwise, you will be like a child who sometimes pretends he or she is a wrestler, sometimes a soldier, sometimes a musician, sometimes an actor in a tragedy.

Since I have done a lot of things, and have actually been an actor in a tragedy, I had to think about this for a bit.  (Also paused to consider, "When I was a child, I spake as a child....")  Indeed, in my little essay in Her Circle, I recount all the things I tried in the arts on my way to being a writer, and I became aware that some readers, never having known me or worked with me, might dismiss me as a dabbler or dilettante (those dreaded "d" words)!

But Epictetus would remind me not to be concerned with what others think of me, as that is out of my control (and ignoble).

Unless we fully give ourselves over to our endeavors, we are hollow, superficial people and we never develop our natural gifts.

Again, I pause to remember my father's advice, "You have a responsibility to your talent," very Epictetan, as it turns out, as I began my life in the arts, and both my parents have deep respect for people who nurture and develop their natural gifts, and have provided moral and practical support for their own and other people's children all their adult lives.  What a lucky girl I am to have parents like mine!

We've all known people who, like monkeys, mimic whatever seems novel and flashy at the moment.  But then their enthusiasm and efforts wane; they drop their projects as soon as they become too familiar or demanding.

We probably do all know people like this, and once I got to this passage I found a mix of relief and consternation.  I probably stayed a bit too long at some projects.  Patience is a dubious virtue at times, perhaps, and persistence, too!  If I had been truly responsible to my talent, as my father advised, and realistic in my goals and views, I might have left some of my pursuits sooner!

Be honest with yourself.  Clearly assess your strengths and weaknesses.  Do you have what it takes to compete at this time?

I don't think I have the vocal instrument to be a stage actress.  I worked in small intimate theatres, mostly, hmm, but also school gymnasiums, where my voice carried just fine.  And I could have developed my physical voice, seeking out a voice teacher, et cetera, as my sister did, but I didn't.  I think my inner voice told me otherwise, and I developed my writing voice instead, daily, as I have since childhood.

Likewise, I recognize now, as I did not when starting out, that I do not have the right kind of ambition to succeed as an actress in the put-yourself-out-there world of auditioning and selling oneself.  I am not good at it, and cannot make myself do it.  In fact, I do not have the right kind of ambition to succeed in any conventional endeavor during the time I happen to be living!  I like doing the thing, not selling it, not striving for the next thing.  That may make me childish still, in a way, but, if so, it is also a joyful way to be.

But it doesn't seem as childish, really, as having an enthusiasm and dropping it.  I like doing the work.  In acting and in writing, the work IS play for me, and I love doing it.  An actor friend, now also engaged in a more bookish life, had the insight that he loved rehearsing, doing the work, as well as performing, but that he met many actors who hated rehearsing and just wanted to perform, and, of course, it was rather hard to work with them in rehearsal!!

Different people are made for different things.

I think I am on the right path.  Now and always, or back on the right path.  I loved poetry from childhood on, and learned about it in immersion in dramatic literature as well as other kinds.  Being an actor helped me overcome personal shyness and taught me about what I love.

"Fear not," said Robin Meyers in his speech last night, quoting all the angels and Jesus, the teacher.  I must not fear laying it all out like this.  I must not fear being called, considered, or dismissed as a "dabbler."  I must not fear being called or considered an amateur, another word for dilettante.  An amateur is someone who does it for love.  I am that.  And I am professional in all my pursuits.  I remember that, I know that, and I have worked with "professionals" who merely "phone it in."

(Do not compare yourself to others, Epictetus would here warn.)

I am mostly patient, mostly persistent.  Mostly, with moments of grave doubt, I know what I am.

Jesus Loves Me, This I Know

Day 249 of the "What are you reading, and why?" project, and my dad, too, is reading Saving Jesus from the Church, by Robin Meyers, mentioned at least 4 other times in this blog, because my mom and lots of other people in town are reading it in preparation for the author's arrival in town later this month for a lecture and workshop.

"There are two copies of it in this house, if you want to read it," said my dad.  "But borrow your mom's copy, because I've got two chapters to go."  Nonetheless, he already knows he will take issue with Meyers on at least one main thrust of the book.  "There's a lot I like," he says, "but there's one thing I disagree with."

That's my dad.

"I still have some questions to answer," said my mom.  She's in a class on the book, and the conscientious teacher always has a handout or questionnaire.  A conscientious retired teacher herself, my mom always does the homework!

Dad's in a class on the book, too, but it meets at lunchtime, and they never discuss the book.

Sometimes--there's childhood--so quickly!*

Lyrics of a Sunday school song return:  For the Bible tells me so.

*I always knew I was meant to play Blanche Dubois.  (Study Guide, scene six, Streetcar Named Desire.)

One Secret Thing

Day 245 of the "What are you reading, and why?" project, and my mom is still reading Saving Jesus from the Church, by Robin Meyers, for a class and in preparation for the author's visit here in late October.  She is also reading plays for the play selection committee at Heartland Theatre, to help determine next year's season.

Having recovered from The Unswept Room, by Sharon Olds, I am now reading her 2008 book, One Secret Thing, and, oh my God, the long poem "War" is devastating.  It is in several parts, each separately titled, each giving us a glimpse of war through individual suffering or horror.  After this large look at war, I know the poems to come will be about the private family war documented in other poems...but I know love is coming, too, and reconciliation, and some kind of peace.  I see it in the stars.

I saw others in the bleachers reading, too, in between volleyball matches today at the Columbus Day no-school v-ball tourney...some with post-it tabs and bookmarks, but I left people to their private reading moments.

More tomorrow.

Book & Church Repair

Day 216 of the "What are you reading, and why?" project and now, thanks to Betty, even more people in central Illinois will be reading Saving Jesus from the Church, by Robin Meyers, mentioned here way back in May, because now he is coming to town, for sure, in late October, to speak, and she is telling people to read the book in advance, which of course makes perfect sense.

Free Lecture, Friday, October 29, 7:00 p.m., Astroth Education Center, Heartland College, Normal, IL.
Paid Workshop, Saturday, October 30, 8:30 a.m.-12:30, also at Heartland College, RSVP October 15.

On the cover the book, Jesus is wearing duct tape.  You can dress appropriately for a lecture or workshop, but if you really want to, you can wear duct tape on Sunday, October 31, for Halloween.

If it is your books and not your church that might need repair, you can attend free lectures or paid workshops about that via the Book Arts Lecture Series of Milner Library, Illinois State University, Normal, IL.

Tuesday, October 4, 4:30, Main Floor, Milner Library, Karen Hanmer will speak on the history of the Guild of Book Workers.

Tuesday, November 2, 7:00 p.m., Main Floor, Milner Library, Dr. Betty Bright will speak on Book Art in America, 1960 to Today.

Thursday, November 11, 7:00 p.m. Circus Room, Bone Student Center, Illinois State University, Don Etherington will speak of his Sixty-Year Odyssey in Bookbinding and Conservation.

All of these things sound fabulous, and I hope I will be able to fit a few in between volleyball games and standing around in the cemetery as Adlai Stevenson's mom.

And the wonderful book art you see here is by Samantha Huang, featured in the current issue of Sow's Ear Poetry Review and in January at Escape Into Life.

Sweet Corn, Sweet Blues

Day 202 of the "What are you reading, and why?" project, and today I encountered people in search of, and finding, Illinois history and military history books at Babbitt's.  And much, much more, including $1 pulp fiction in a bin out front.

It was a very busy weekend in Normal, Illinois, home of the Sweet Corn, Sweet Blues festival, sponsored by WGLT, which also sponsors Poetry Radio!

On the first day, my son and I biked into town and partook in the Good To Go program of free valet bicycle parking.  We both signed up for the Trek 7100 bicycle raffle (pictured at the Good to Go link.)  We did not actually eat any of the marvelous steamed sweet corn, but we smelled it.  It and the kettle corn popcorn.  Mmmmm.

On the second day, I went back to the sidewalk sale at Garlic Press, a fabulous kitchen store, and got the little red star ceramic candy or appetizer plates of my heart's desire, bargaining them down to 50 cents a piece.  Like a flea market!  Or medieval town fair!

I also encountered, in a poem brought to my poetry workshop in the rare book room, a book, a particular book, Saving Jesus from the Church, by Robin Meyers, mentioned (and pictured) earlier in this blog, where Jesus is seen with the usual crown of thorns and an unusual gag of duct tape.  Poor him. What lovely irony to encounter those words on a Sunday, in a poem.

As it happens, the author is coming to uppity town Normal October 29-30 to give a free lecture, "Jesus: Galilean Sage or Supernatural Warrior," at 7 p.m., on Friday night, and to conduct a workshop, 8:30 a.m. to noon on Saturday, "The Underground Church: Raising the Body by Corrupting the Empire," both events taking place at Heartland Community College.  You can learn more, or sign up for the workshop, at the hosting church, New Covenant Community.  Click on the rolling announcement.

The Christ Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest

Day 87 of the "What are you reading, and why?" project. Kim is reading Saving Jesus from the Church, by Robin R. Meyers, because she is interested in Jesus the man.

"Zooey would like it," says Kim, referring to Franny and Zooey, by J. D. Salinger, which we recently read together in our book group. (And, yes, this is yesterday's Kim, the same Kim of Hummus Anonymous, the blog.) "I'm not sure about Willie B."

The "Willie B." Kim is referring to is William B. Irvine, author of A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy, reviewed recently by James Fulcher in The Common Review. I was telling her about the book in the context of classical Stoicism as a way of making the best of life's suffering, and finding peace and equanimity with whatever is at hand.

For Jesus, of course, the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand. In my view, it is at hand in the present moment. (But, as I've mentioned, I don't believe in linear time...so all we have is the present moment, and that's not so far from existentialism, either. Topic for another day.)

According to Kim, in reference to Saving Jesus from the Church, "The premise of the book seems to be that followers of Jesus the man are getting it right, whereas 'believers' in Christ the Savior are not." I'm thinking followers of Jesus the man are in touch with their Stoic joy, their Buddhist suffering, and also that they understand the value and risk of practicing what you preach. But I will have to read the book to find out.

Or ask the man himself. Kim also reports that "the author Robin Meyers will likely be here in the fall to speak, sign books (a new one coming out) and lead workshops. "

Meanwhile, Amazon tells me you can now pre-order The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest, by Stieg Larsson, in hardcover, and/or get it in various formats (Kindle, Large Print, or imported). The movie of the first book in the series is coming to our town, before Robin Meyers comes to town, and is already playing in a nearby town, and has freaked out an area blogger, Julie, due to its violence. Here is her review of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.

And I think Zooey would also like the Irvine book, and understand the Stoic joy thing, because Epictetus is in it, and he was a big Stoic. But Zooey is a fictional character, and so is Biff, Jesus's childhood friend, a fellow I rely on to tell me most of what I know about Jesus the man. I'm pretty sure my research has something to be desired.

But watch out. According to some, desire is the cause of all suffering. (I think they might have it a little wrong... Desire is fine. The problem is thinking you can attain/obtain everything you desire. Ah, another topic for another day! Heh heh, leave 'em wanting more.)