Monday, January 12, 2015

36 Questions

Last night I spent 4 hours on the phone with a friend, asking and answering the 36 questions created by psychologist Arthur Aron and referred to in the article, "To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This," by Mandy Len Catron, published in the New York Times on January 9 and circulating on Facebook ever since. We weren't trying to fall in love. "I'm already in love with you," said my friend. We love each other from way back, from doing theatre together. She's a divorced mother of one, I'm a married mother of two, and it's not about romance for us; it's, evidently, about deepening our friendship over the phone. My ear hurt a little when I hung up--land line, actual receiver--but it was worth it!

Obviously, we did not do the staring-into-each-other's-eyes-for-four-minutes part of this process, and we skipped some of the painful questions (about death and family) or awkward-over-the-phone questions, and we were not near strangers, which is part of the premise of the 36-questions experiment in falling in love, but we had a good time and learned a lot about each other and ourselves. Indeed, I think my friend's impulse to call and do this with me came from a deep and important place in herself; she is at a crucial juncture in life, and it's about knowing and accepting who she really is, before it's too late. That's bold to say, but I trust its truth.

This listening and sharing is yet another of the gifts I've been discussing as this new year begins, here, the gift of friendship, deepened, as well. My friend ended our conversation expressing her gratitude--me, too! I sense that we both felt the evening to be an unexpected gift.

And let me again thank gifted artist Jonathan Koch for letting me use his paintings at my blog. You may know that I yearned for his painting, Walnut, thinking I could not afford it. Well, artists have payment plans, and small paintings can be affordable! So I got myself this gift this season! Plus, I learned I'm not a tough nut to crack.


Marcoantonio Arellano said...

it's always heartening that true friendship love is alive and well.

it's not about giving or taking but just about bathing in a tub of humanity.

gracias for sharing Kathleen

Kathleen said...

And gracias to you!

seana graham said...

I've had one or two friends that I might have done this quiz with over the phone, but not at the current moment. And four hours is a long time!

This seems like a quiz you could ask yourself, though. Over the course of a few days. I might.

Collagemama said...

This year I've received the gift of finally knowing what I want to be when I grow up. That is immense. Bigger than the bow on the hood of a Mercedes parked in the atrium of a high-end mall. And I have to thank all my blogging friends for being part of that process and that gift. Gracias, Kathleen.

Dale said...

This post made me happy in six different directions :-)

Kathleen said...

I feel so glad to be part of all your lives! Thank you all!