My smart phone is far smarter than me. Today, it called my dad when I was trying to call a theatre to RSVP about something. Then, when I was trying to call my friend Kim, it called the theatre. This, evidently, was not the smart phone’s fault, but mine.
Sorry, Theatre. Sorry, Kim. Sorry, Me.
If only there were an animated movie based on my life: Sorry Me. (Like Despicable Me, only sorrier.) And Sorry Me could be a musical! Here are the songs:
“My Smart Phone is Smarter Than Me”
“Butt Dialing for Dollars”
“Wait! I Have a Phone?!”
“My Smart Phone is Smarter Than Me” (reprise)
“What Should I Give Up for Lent?”
“Sorry, But Did I Just Butt-Dial You?”
“Louis CK Won’t Return My Calls”
“I Think I’m Hilarious (Why Don’t You?)”
“Sorry Me” (reprise)
“The Sound of Ring Tones” (finale)
Starring, of course, Carrie Underwood, as a wooden ingénue perfectly capable of using a smart phone, playing opposite a 50-something silver-and-gold short-armed dinosaur unable to use her smart phone correctly.
“What Should I Give Up for Lent?” will be sung by the short-armed dinosaur, behind on her social-media-Fat-Tuesday-post reading, wondering, on Ash Wednesday, while drinking wine, what she should give up for Lent, and deciding on wine. Then, blogging about it on Friday (aka Cranky Doodle Day), wondering again whether she should give up wine for Lent…while drinking wine. This is all doubly hilarious because of her short arms.
Really, think about it.