Friday, March 7, 2014

Sorry Me

My smart phone is far smarter than me. Today, it called my dad when I was trying to call a theatre to RSVP about something. Then, when I was trying to call my friend Kim, it called the theatre. This, evidently, was not the smart phone’s fault, but mine.

Sorry, Theatre. Sorry, Kim. Sorry, Me.

If only there were an animated movie based on my life: Sorry Me. (Like Despicable Me, only sorrier.) And Sorry Me could be a musical! Here are the songs:

“My Smart Phone is Smarter Than Me”
“Butt Dialing for Dollars”
“Sorry Me”
“Wait! I Have a Phone?!”
“Verizon Horizon”
“My Smart Phone is Smarter Than Me” (reprise)


“What Should I Give Up for Lent?”
“Catch 22”
“Sorry, But Did I Just Butt-Dial You?”
“Louis CK Won’t Return My Calls”
“I Think I’m Hilarious (Why Don’t You?)”
“Sorry Me” (reprise)
“The Sound of Ring Tones” (finale)

Starring, of course, Carrie Underwood, as a wooden ingénue perfectly capable of using a smart phone, playing opposite a 50-something silver-and-gold short-armed dinosaur unable to use her smart phone correctly.

“What Should I Give Up for Lent?” will be sung by the short-armed dinosaur, behind on her social-media-Fat-Tuesday-post reading, wondering, on Ash Wednesday, while drinking wine, what she should give up for Lent, and deciding on wine. Then, blogging about it on Friday (aka Cranky Doodle Day), wondering again whether she should give up wine for Lent…while drinking wine. This is all doubly hilarious because of her short arms. 

Really, think about it.


seana graham said...

I'm sorry to say that your smart phone doesn't sound smarter than you at all, though perhaps more mischievous.

I'd pay to see that musical, though.

Kathleen said...

Merci buckets (of wine).

Kim said...

If your smart phone were really smart it would drink wine, too! Especially during Lent, when what we should give up is worrying about giving something up.

Cathy said...

Maybe give up Smart Phones?

Collagemama said...

Fat fingers vs. probiotics on pay per view. I can't work my phone. I can't even work my gut! Wine drinking dinosaurs cheer me up. Thanks!

Kristin said...

When Disney decides to make movies to appeal to women who are older than the "Frozen" audience target market, I'm telling them to contact you!

Kristin said...

Cranky Doodle Day has Disney movie potential with great songs written all over it!

Kathleen said...

Thanks, dears! I drink a Lentipsy toast to you all!

Oh, and Kristin, yes! I'm sure one of these songs will be nominated for an Oscar. We can get Adele Dazeem to sing it!

Maureen said...

Those titles... you have the start to what is surely a funny poetry collection.

Kathleen said...


Collagemama said...

Recently learned the polite term for butt dialing is "pocket calling". Consider yourself advised.

Kathleen said...

Good to know.

Molly said...

I have a butt-dialing problem too. And I seem to always butt-dial the people I want to talk to least.

Kathleen said...

Possibly this is just one more excellent excuse to have more wine.