Friday, December 7, 2012

But Only Slightly

Once again, I have been lax in the Cranky Doodle Day department, not being very cranky these days!  But I thought I might pretend to be cranky about the categories of commenters I have noticed at blogs and at Facebook.  Here are some.  (I will be loose re: “you” and “I” and in the general structure and consistency of the list, because this is an unprofessional blog.)

Lurkers—They read the blog but don’t comment, so you don’t know for sure they are there.  But sometimes they cannibalize you or capitalize on you by taking your topic. And sometimes they refer to the blog later, IRL, showing they were there.

(I always hope my own Lurkers mainly love me. Example: My mom) (Who sometimes comments, here or IRL.)

(Mom, IRL = in real life.)

Know-it-alls—They comment in a way that suggests some flaw or error in what you posted and also suggests their greater knowledge, even if they don’t provide evidence of that by actually correcting the error or proving that it was an error in the first place, as when they just add additional facts, as if you were really stupid to leave those out, or elaborations that pretty much destroy the subtle joke you provided in the original post. Well, really, they probably don’t care what you intended, as they are just displaying their own knowledge. Over and over again. (This happens mostly at Facebook, where I mostly look the other way.)

Anonymous (plural, Anonymi)—It is possible for “Anonymous” to post here, just like everyone else, but I generally hope for some informal signature or little clue as to the identity/safeness of the comment poster. (Example: “—Love, your sister, Chris” or “—the real Shakespeare”)

(I don’t post commercials by Anonymi.)

Snarks:  They rarely comment, but when they do, it’s snarky.

Sharks:  They may read, i.e., lurk, but they are unable to comment, having fins instead of fingers and being always underwater, swimming. (If someday they find a way to post, they must prove they are not robots.)

Robots—Robots are free to post if they identify themselves as robots and can prove they are not robots.

(Let’s all expect a Know-it-all to tell me what’s wrong with that.)

Humorless Know-it-alls—See above.

Skimmers—They merely skim the blog entry and leave a comment that proves it.

(I leave them at the mercy of Know-it-alls who happen to comment after them.)

Pretenders—If any of the actual Pretenders, say, Chrissie Hynde, wish to comment, they should feel free.  But pretend Pretenders pretend to know me, leaving an Anonymous comment that suggests a familiarity with me without proving that we really know each other, in person or online. So I don’t publish their comments/commercials.  Same as with:

Stalkers—I save their unpublished comments, which they may think are untraceable, but which aren’t (that’s a double negative, you Humorless Know-it-all, that makes sense in this context) if you know technology and law-enforcement people (and I do), in case of legal action later.

(If I end up dead someday, my mom knows what to do.)

Zombies—I think my origami brain is safe from zombies, here in the blog, anyway.

(My mom won’t know how to handle zombies.)

TMI-ers—OK, I am probably one of these, and I don’t mind them at all when they post here (unless they write seven paragraphs about their childhood and psychological diagnoses, which I have seen/skimmed at other blogs), as long as it is fairly short and mostly good-natured.  (If you have more to say, hey, you can start your own blog!) I know I often make a personal connection when I comment at other blogs, noting coincidences, etc.  (Example: “I baked pumpkin bread today, too!” or “I have also written a poem with that title” or “Is that a fin, or are you just happy to see me?”)

So, generally, it is not too much information! It’s just the right amount, people. I love hearing from you!

Failed sit-down comics—Guilty.


Thanks to Louie Baur for the door sign, widely shared at Facebook. Likewise, thanks to Hippie Peace Freaks for the moon shadow.


Karen the former neighbor said...

Glad to hear that you're short on cranky these days. ;) I am afraid I fall into the lurker category often. Never the anonymous (yay!)! Stalkers? really? yikes!

Kathleen said...

Excellent handle, "Karen the former neighbor." (I miss you, IRL!) It's OK to lurk if you love me. But it's great to hear from you!!

Kathleen said...

Also, thus far, the Stalkers have not made actual death threats. That's just dark, dark, sit-down humor. But the Zombies have sort of implied it, via drooling and grumbling.

Yvonne Zipter said...

I didn't know you had a blog--I will look for it more regularly now that I do know. I had a massage blog, but it is suffering a bad case of inertia following my return to full-time editing. I've considered a writing-related blog but have no content in mind, only a title: ZipLines. For that along, it might be worth SAYING I have a blog. So glad we reconnected--thanks for finding me!

Maureen said...

Not sure what category this goes in but here's the comment:

"A person displaced by fire, flood, etc. is homeless. A person who lives on the streets is a bum, hobo or miscreant."

I had tweeted Jonathan Jones's commentary on the image of the New York police officer who purchased a pair of boots for a person experiencing homelessness. It was a thoughtful piece about the photograph and how images do not tell an entire story.

I can't imagine going around thinking like the person who responded with the tweet with so uncaring an attitude.

Recently, I'm getting comments about the difficulty of commenting. If I don't have word verification I'm inundated with spam. I think I'd rather not have the spam.

Have a great weekend!

Sandy Longhorn said...

Wonderful post. Of course, given any list like this, I find myself over-analyzing my own behavior and hoping I'm not one of the 'bad guys.' I swear I am not a shark, a robot, or a zombie. :)

Kathleen said...

ZipLines is a GREAT blog title for you!! I'm glad we reconnected, too!

Kathleen said...

Sandy, you and Maureen and Yvonne and Karen and my mom are Sweethearts. I should have made a category for that!!

Along These Lines ... said...

Ha! I like that "disturbed" sign. Must make one for my office.

Mom said...

The limits a daughter will go to just to get her mother to comment! I comment face to face so you can read what I really mean. Today you had naming of the arts.

Kathleen said...

Very funny, Mom. Now, prove you are my mom, IRL....

Sandy Longhorn said...

Oh my goodness, that little exchange just made me laugh. My mom only comments IRL also, but she does it over the phone since we're so far apart. :)

Kim said...

I laughed at the disturbed sign and spewed imaginary coffee on my computer screen!

Kathleen said...

I am certainly enjoying all these comments!!

M.J.Iuppa said...

Most readers don't comment. Wish they did. BTW coincidence, I was viewing some Cat Stevens on YouTube the other day.